Katie Joseph’s Blog

It did not work out as we had planned.

With all the talk of holiday stress and the economic meltdown, I wanted do a little something different when it came to Christmas cookies for my hen party gift exchange last week. Inspired by this artist, I decided that if I couldn’t bring actual happy pills to the party, I could at least make my cookies look like them:

Since Zoloft is sort of non-descript, I went with its cartoon mascot instead:

I also made some non-specific pill cookies that were frosted a solid color on one end with sprinkles on the other end (so they looked like capsules).

My attempt at antacid cookies (made multi-colored by adding food coloring to this recipe) was passable but the “T” (for Tums) stamped in them didn’t hold up during baking. The Xanax cookies were a complete flop in all respects but taste since I made them too small to handle any writing.  Hence, no photos of these.

Despite the above-noted mishaps, the cookies produced a big laugh when they were unveiled and were absolutely worth the time.

Note: Lest you imagine our household with candy dishes of pills on every end table, Google Images — not a personal stash — was my visual reference for this project.

The streets were icy on baking day, and between that and the holiday rush I had absolutely no desire to go to the store to get the proper tools.  A glass and a plastic cup (squeezed just so) served as cookie cutters, and I did the cut-out in the Valium cookies with a paring knife.

The frosting is a little sloppy because (a) it’s powdered sugar frosting, and (b) I was using a zip-top bag with a hole cut in it since I don’t have a proper pastry bag or tips.  I had so much fun doing this that I may invest in some decorating equipment.   The possiblities are endless.

Since the “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotation Marks has not yet gotten around to publishing my submissions, I present the following for your enjoyment:

Found in Mayflower, Arkansas.

Found at Wal-Mart

Teaching Amos this game has made grocery shopping so much more fun. It’s like a nerdy version of I Spy.

There are countless examples of one person or a small group of people ruining something cool for the rest of us.  Examples: Great White and pyrotechnics in small clubs, Richard Reid and keeping one’s shoes on in airports, comment/bb spammers and un-moderated internet forums.  The list goes on.

When I saw this video, I thought to myself, “Boy am I glad I saw Tsukiji before these jerks ruined it for everybody.”

I was actually surprised we could get in at all back in 2004.  It’s a fascinating place but also one where it is very easy to get underfoot.

There’s a dance to it — that’s the only way to move that much fish and all those people in a relatively small space, all before noon.  If you don’t know the steps or at least have the sense to stay out of the way, you may be taken out by a Mighty Car at worst, or severely irritate people who are trying to make their living.

These guys probably aren’t the first drunken tourists to show up there.  The action starts between 3:00 and 4:00 a.m., when truly dedicated drinkers start feeling the need for a change of pace.  Perhaps a memo has been circulated to Tokyo’s taxi drivers: If your passengers are drunk tourists demanding to go to the fish market, politely feign ignorance and drop them off at their hotel.  The tuna will thank you.

Let’s see if this completely borks WordPress:

chili.php

<?

$bacon = a few slices chopped;
$onion = one chopped;
$hamburger = one pound;
$mushrooms = one package portabella steak-sliced chopped OR three portabella  caps chopped;
$garlic = two to four cloves, minced;
$beans = two cans;
$tomatoes = one big can, diced;
$tomato_juice = about half of one big can;
$wine=cheap red;
$spices = array (cumin, chili powder, cinnamon, cardamom, nutmeg);

// $spices can vary; sometimes I add cayenne pepper to the array.

$domestic_lager = cheap beer of your choice;
$taste=0;
$optimum_tasty=smokygoodness;
$garnish = array (fritos, sour cream, cheese);

function bacon_veggies ($bacon, $onion, $mushrooms) {

saute $bacon in dutch oven;

WHEN ($bacon renders enough grease) {
add $onions;
}

WHEN ($onions start to brown) {
add $mushrooms;
allow $mushrooms to absorb $bacon goodness;
add $garlic;
saute $ garlic until barely colored;
add $hamburger;
brown $hamburger;
}

return $bacon_veggies_done;
}

bacon_veggies ($bacon, $onion, $mushrooms);

function redwinereduction ($red_wine, $spices[3,4,5]) {

add $wine to saucepan;
add $spices[3, 4, 5] to saucepan;
simmer and reduce by half;
return $reduction;
}

IF ($bacon_veggies_done) {

redwinereduction ($red_wine, $spices[3,4,5])

add $beans to dutch oven;
add $tomatoes to dutch oven;
add $tomato_juice to dutch oven;
leftover $tomato_juice + $domestic_lager = $red_beer;
drink $red_beer;

}

// Don’t leave $red_beer out. It’s not chili without $red_beer.

function $spicing ($spices[]){

add $spices[1, 2] to taste;
allow to simmer for five minutes;
$taste;
If ($taste == satisfactory;) {
return $spicing_done}
ELSE {add more $spices[1,2];
$taste++ }
return $taste, $spicingdone;
}

$spicing ($spices [1,2]);

IF ($spicingdone) {

IF ($taste = delicious) {

add $reduction; } ELSE {
simmer 20 more minutes;
$taste++;
}

WHEN $taste == $optimumtasty {

serve with $garnish [];
enjoy with more $red_beer;
}

}

?>